I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
