I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
