Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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