I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
