On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
