i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
