this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
