If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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