Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
