Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
