if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
