He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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