just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
