whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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