I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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