I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
