I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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