he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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