I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
