I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
