Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
