Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
