Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
