I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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