I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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