i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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