we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
