just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
