And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
