I can text with my tongue
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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