I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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