Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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