we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
