you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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