Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
