Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
