Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
