dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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