My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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