i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
