This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
