Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
