omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
