I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
