eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
