I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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