Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The air was thick with penises
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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