You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
