I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
