i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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