the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
