Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
