So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
