you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
